Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize