wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
