o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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