Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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