I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
