You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
