will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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