my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
