Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
