and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
