I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
