i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
