Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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