dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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