well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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