Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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