Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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