You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
