I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have fence marks all over my body
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
