It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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