I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
