Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
