I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize