tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
