Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
