well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
