it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
