my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
