I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
