Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
