God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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