ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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