This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
