i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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