I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
