when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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