just tell him i said nine months
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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