im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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