Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
