I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
