$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
