the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
