I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
