yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
