There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
