A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
