The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
