Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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