atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my poor anus
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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