All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize