I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
