Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will be naked everywhere
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
