I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We need to rekindle our bromance
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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