I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
