I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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