I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
