Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
