I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
