so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
