Ketchup is God's man juice
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
