I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
