good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
