He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize