they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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