Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
