update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
