We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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