Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
