please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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