Kiss
Puke
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize