That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
