I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
