I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
