when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
