Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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