God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
