i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I AM VODKA MAN
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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