how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
