Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
