Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
