I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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